childbirth Archives • Motherlift - educational resources to support motherhood.

May

Let’s talk hormone changes

Is it hormone changes, is it baby blues, depression or just sheer exhaustion? It’s difficult to understand where one ends and one begins.

We’ve got progesterone, prolactin (for milk production), and dopamine at play here. According to research- the hormone progesterone increases during pregnancy then drops off right after birth. Prolactin (what helps with milk production) increases during pregnancy and stays high until 4 months after birth. But Prolactin can affect Dopamine levels (which is the feelings of hapiness and euforia). Low progesterone levels can cause symptoms like depression and anxiety as well as low libido. All these hormones are increasing and decreasing to make a whirlwind of emotion for pregnancy and post partum. Not to mention the huge changes going on in your routine and life with a new baby- which is emotional in itself!

If you’re feeling emotional and teary or irritable, you are normal. It’s hard! We all need a little time and compassion to experience all these changes.

If you feel like these emotions dip deeper and linger for days and weeks. If you feel like you can’t get out of bed, see friends, eat or sleep like you used to, it may be time to talk to someone. Depression is actually pretty common (13% of Postpartum women).

Check out psychologytoday.com for a therapist who specializes in this.

Between high prolactin production, no progesterone, potentially lower dopamine, and your other pregnancy hormones decreasing, it’s no wonder that your energy, moods, and emotions can feel jumbled after having your baby!

Feb

Jaeda’s Story

This is Jaeda’s honest story about the grief that comes with infertility. And the joy that she experienced when she was able to give birth to her twins Fiona and Porter. She holds nothing back as she shares her emotional experience undergoing IVF while she watched her friends get pregnant around her. She showed such courage in sharing her true feelings and we are honored to get to listen in to her story and learn something from it. Isn’t it interesting how motherhood opens our eyes to deeper emotions we never knew were under the surface?

What does “motherhood” mean to you?

It means abandoning a level of selfishness that I never knew I had. It’s the most important job you will ever have in your entire life. It’s finding and immersing yourself in new levels of love, anger, joy, patience, loneliness, and all the emotions in between.

Was there anything unexpected, traumatic or significant for you in the process of becoming a mother?

Like most people, I thought I would become a mom much quicker and easier than I did. Dealing with “unexplained fertility” was so utterly frustrating because there is nothing to pinpoint and say “Ok. We fix this and we will get pregnant.” I was not prepared for the emotional toll and lonely journey of infertility. As a woman, you can’t help but feel like your body is failing you, even if that’s not the situation. We are built to create life, but mine wasn’t doing that. We tried the good old fashion way for about a year before we started seeking professional help. It was the typical testing for both of us (HSG test, HSG test, semen analysis, bloodwork) and all looked fantastic. Next it was four different rounds of IUI, with no success. We took a medical break for a little over a year since fertility treatments were not covered. I had tracked my cycle in every single way possible, peed on strips and sticks, charted, drank and ate “fertility friendly” foods, rested in some cirque du soleil poses for optimal sperm flow. We decided to start looking into adoption, and something made me check our insurance again (it updated yearly through my husband’s employer) and shockingly, we now had enough to cover ONE round of IVF.

They retrieved 22 eggs which turned into six mature eggs which turned into six fertilized. We knew we wanted to do two, so the doc grabbed two five-day blastocysts and they stuck. I took a pregnancy test two days before my blood test, and seeing “pregnant” for the first time was the most surreal thing. When my blood tests kept coming back with stellar results, I had a feeling they were both in there. At six weeks I saw them on the ultrasound for the first time.

Seeing “pregnant” for the first time was the most surreal thing.

We had four embryos frozen. In March of 2018 when the twins were 10 months old, we got the news that our embryos were no longer viable due to a MASSIVE hospital disaster with a freezer tank. Although they would cover another round of IVF, I couldn’t see going through that entire process again with two toddlers and my now “geriatic” eggs. I think about those embryos every single day. There is no doubt in my mind I would have had one more transferred by now.

Infertility never really goes away. Even though we have our family, I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I still get jealous of people who can try for a baby and make one just like that.

What was it like to open up about your infertility to others? Good experiences and bad experiences?
Luckily, it was mostly good! I slowly opened up to friends and found a couple others struggling. It wasn’t until I opened up on Instagram that I discovered a whole community of people on the same journey as me. I even had a group text with two other women from high school since we were all struggling. I had another friend pass a Giving Key on to me that said “HOPE”. I wore that every day until the twins were born. After, I felt it was time to pass it on to the last of high school friends from the group who had yet to conceive. (She too wore it every day and finally had her IVF miracle baby two months ago!)

The bad part was related to other moms who were super fertile. I didn’t want them to feel my jealousy, but I felt a mix of joy and devastation when another pregnancy was announced. It was sometimes difficult to hide.

How did you cope struggling with infertility? I had to to learn to let go of what I couldn’t control and started seeking things I could control in regards to becoming a mother (adoption). One of the hardest things was trying to “not try”. That’s what the generic advice is: “If you just stop trying it will happen. That’s what happened to ‘so-and-so’!” It didn’t matter if I wasn’t checking my basal body temperature or peeing on an ovulation stick, I KNEW when that hot window was each month and there was no ignoring it. All you could really do is focus on making your life and environment as “family friendly” as possible. If you’re unhappy in your career, leave. If you’re unhappy with your health, make dietary and fitness changes. Find new ways to restore positive energy in your body.

Bruising from the IVF.

How did you change in the process of your experience? I found a level of emptiness I didn’t know I had. I felt so alone on the journey and constantly felt inadequate. It led me to taking charge and finding more spiritual ways to deal with finding patience.

Describe these spiritual ways: I did more yoga. Learned how to meditate. Picked up running again and trained for my second half marathon. I tried surrounding myself with more spiritual people and had more conversations around that. I also started getting Reiki to help balance my energy.

I knew that one day I would look at a child and know exactly why it took that long to get them. I just had to find a way to accept that it may take longer than I wanted it to.

Were there any mantras/affirmations or ways of thinking that helped you move through your experience?

I was gifted a beautiful, handmade set of mala beads and used them as a point of centering. I remember making the drive across town for work, and rolling my fingers over each bead on the way repeating the same thing to myself over and over:

I am strong. I am patient. I am fertile.

What would you say to women facing infertility? If you feel alone, try to find the strength to open up about it. The fertility community is much larger than you may think.

These women are your friends. These women are your tribe. These women are your strength on the days you need it most. They will be there to lift you up in ways no one else can. Motherhood is generally the same for everyone, but the journey is different and unique. Yours will make sense to you one day. And while you’re in the middle of the shitshow, and you feel like you cannot take another crushing month of trying,

Remember that you are not alone.

Jan

LoriAnn’s Story

“Had I not naturally miscarried, I would have held on to some hope that my appointment would have gone differently…”

At Motherlift we want to tell stories that inspire, educate, and remind you: you aren’t the only one. We want to allow women to share honestly about their experiences without all the fear and anxiety we usually find on the internet. We will be posting stories of joy, anticipation, surprise, grief, endurance, and most of all, strength. Consider this blog a place to listen to a friend’s experience of motherhood.

Today we’re going to hear from LoriAnn about her experience with a miscarriage. It’s a topic that not a lot of people discuss openly. You might find this difficult to read. You might remember your own experience with miscarriage. You might find fear seeping in even as you read that word: miscarriage.

We believe there is freedom in hearing stories and having our stories heard.

We also believe that in the end we all have the ability to find hope and strength we didn’t know we had.

Wherever you find yourself today, we encourage you to quiet yourself to read this story with an open heart, leaving fear at the door.

LoriAnn’s thoughtful story is one of endurance, hope and growth.

Many people don’t know about the miscarriage process. Would you mind sharing a little about what happens when you miscarry?I found out I was pregnant with my angel baby at the end of June 2017. I would have been due on March 4th, 2018. I felt so different than I did with Rosalie. I felt pregnant right away with her, and this time I just felt tired. We had a successful dating ultrasound, in which a heartbeat was detected, but the baby was measuring small, so we had to go back about two weeks later to confirm due date. I felt like this was a bad sign because I knew the exact date I got pregnant, and there was no way this happened an entire week or 8 days later. I woke up on July 20th and felt funny — not sick, but I just didn’t feel right. Rosalie and I stayed home that day and relaxed. It was about 5pm when I saw blood in my underwear. I panicked. I called my husband, Dave, who was on his way home anyway. I called the on call doctor, who said whether it’s a miscarriage or break through bleeding, she wanted me to come in the next day for a Rhogam shot because I am Rh negative. She also said that they would be able to confirm whether or not I had actually miscarried.

The next day, my husband was so sure that nothing was wrong, even though I couldn’t shake the feeling that we’d get awful news. He went to work, but I didn’t want to go to the doctor alone. My very close friend, Laurel, came with me. While she was in the waiting room with Rosalie, my regular doctor (the one that took care of me when I was pregnant with Rosalie) did an ultrasound and said that she didn’t see a heartbeat. I was so devastated. I called my husband and told him the news. He refused to believe it. He said we had seen the heartbeat just the week before. My doctor said the chances of anything changing were slim, but she agreed to keep my original appointment that would have been for the dating scan on the next Wednesday to confirm whether or not this was indeed a miscarriage.

Over the weekend, the bleeding got heavier and heavier. On Sunday, I passed a large clot, about the size of my fist, that was my baby. The bleeding continued for another 10 days. I was actually very relieved to miscarry naturally. It was like my body gave me the answer, that this pregnancy was over. Had I not naturally miscarried, I would have held on to some hope that my appointment would have gone differently on Wednesday. Instead, I told my doctor that I was almost sure that I had expelled the pregnancy, which she confirmed. She said we could begin trying for another child as soon as I stopped bleeding and as soon as we felt emotionally ready.

What is one meaningful thing someone said during your experience with a miscarriage?

The most meaningful thing that stands out to me still is when I called the on-call doctor when I was miscarrying. I had just passed the large clot that was baby, and I called to make sure this was normal.

She did everything a doctor should — basically take care of me medically, even if it was over the phone. However, before we got off the phone, she said “I’m sorry for your loss.” I know many people call a miscarriage a loss, as in they will say “I lost a pregnancy” but, we also say “I’m sorry for your loss” when a person that has walked this earth passes away. The way she phrased it made me realize (in a good way) that I didn’t just lose a pregnancy. I lost a life. And I was allowed to mourn for that too. It was only 5 words, but it really meant so much to me at the time.

Whatever happened in your pregnancy is not a reflection of you as a woman or a mother.

Do you feel like you were able to, or needed to, grieve the loss of your angel baby?

I was able to grieve the loss of my angel baby. I did get a tattoo, and I bought several pieces of jewelry to commemorate my angel. I also honor my angel every year on October 15th, which is the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

What is one thing you think women should remember as they’re grieving in miscarriage?

I think they should remember that nothing is their fault. Whatever happened in your pregnancy is not a reflection of you as a woman or a mother. If you want a rainbow baby, it will happen in its own time.

What is one thing you want women to remember as they then try for more kids following a miscarriage?

I think anyone that is trying for more children following a miscarriage needs to have faith in something. I trusted in God that my rainbow baby would come, and would be delivered safe and sound in my arms.

What parts of your experience with miscarriage do you carry with you now?

I think I’m stronger than I thought I was, both physically and emotionally. My miscarriage makes me appreciate the two children that I do have. I absolutely cherish every hug and kiss from them.

Jan

Morgan’s Story

At Motherlift we want to tell stories that inspire, educate, and remind you: you aren’t the only one. We want to allow women to share honestly about their experiences without all the fear and anxiety we usually find on the internet. We will be posting stories of joy, anticipation, surprise, grief, endurance, and most of all, strength. Consider this blog a place to listen to a friend’s experience of motherhood.

This is Morgan’s story. She has 2 girls and when she gave birth to her second she discovered her daughter had 3 congenital heart diseases and would need open heart surgery at 5 days old. Her story is one of joy, grief, and perseverance. Kid’s Names & Ages: Eowyn – 7 & Lyanna 1.5 Type of Birth: Scheduled Cesarean What does “motherhood” mean to you? Motherhood means loving another person more than you thought possible. It means caring about somebody else’s well being above your own.

Was there anything unexpected, traumatic or significant for you in the process of becoming a mother? When my second daughter was born she swallowed fluid and her oxygen saturation levels were being monitored. After about 5 hours, her nurse discovered a huge gradient in the saturation levels in her foot versus her hand and they took her away to check her out some more. The pediatrician who assisted in my C-section came in to tell me she thought my daughter had a heart defect and they would be airlifting her to a children’s hospital. I had to stay behind and recover and wasn’t released until the following day. It turned out she had 3 congenital heart diseases (CHD’s) and would need open heart surgery at 5 days old. How did you cope with these changes (i.e. tools, support system, resources, professionals, medication)? I relied heavily on my support system. My husband was there with me whenever he could be and our families were there as much as they could be. I asked as many questions and made sure I understood what would be happening and why. Later I joined CHD (congenital heart disease) organizations and spoke with others who had similar experiences.

How did you change in the process of your experience? What do you know about yourself now that you didn’t know before? My faith grew stronger. While I felt worried, I also felt a sense of peace and knew God was in control. I know now that I am strong enough to handle something I could never have fathomed before it became reality. I will give my all for my children. What was the first thing you felt when they gave you the news? Broken. I stared at the pediatrician in shock. She saw I was holding back my emotions and told me it was okay to cry and she cried with me. Lyanna was still in the nursery and I asked if I could see her again before they took her away. I had an overwhelming fear that the next time I saw her she wouldn’t be alive.

What was something meaningful someone said or did for you during this time? There were so many things. The pediatrician’s empathy when she told us meant a lot. We had people we were barely connected to reach out to us. A friend of my brother in law’s sister sent us a note about her son who had been born with a heart defect and a lion lovey for Lyanna. An old friend’s step mom found us in the CICU waiting room after surgery and delivered a care package from a foundation called Wyatt’s Warriors which was founded in memory of a baby who passed away because of TGA, Lyanna’s main defect. Our pastor and parents all sat with us during the surgery. So many people reached out to check in on her and offered financial help. It was really amazing to see all the support and it felt like God was telling us we weren’t going through it alone. Tell us about the support group for CHD you joined. There were several support groups I became a part of. The Pediatric Congenital Heart Association, The Children’s Heart Foundation, Mended Little Hearts, a facebook group for patients and parents of TGA babies. I mainly followed all of them on Facebook. They share statistics, resources, and discussion about CHD. It was really helpful for me to see others who had been through it and to see some of the kids grown up and doing well. Did you have any specific words, thoughts, or phrases that you used as a mantra to pull you through? I prayed a lot. I learned the term Heart Warrior which is what people with CHD are referred to and that was comforting. Nothing seemed more fragile than my 6lb newborn baby and thinking of her as a warrior made the thought of her battling for her life seem a little more manageable. There was one point when we had a 6-8 hour critical period and the surgeon told me “If she makes it through that she’s going to be alright.” I changed the phrase to WHEN she makes it through and repeated that to myself.

What does life look like for you now? Life looks normal to me now. A few more appointments than what others may think of as normal. I know a lot more cardiovascular terms than I ever thought I would. My child sees cardiologist and is followed by a neurological team because CHD kids are at greater risk for developmental delays. I’m aware that just because she was ‘repaired’ in no way does that mean she is fixed and her battle will be a lifelong battle. All of that has become normal and I couldn’t be more thankful for where we are now. How is Lyanna now? What is she like? Lyanna is doing great! Medically, she has a couple of things the cardiologist is keeping an eye on but nothing that needs intervention now. Her pediatrician is really happy with her development. She’s walking and talking and doing all the normal toddler things. She is such a joy with an easy going personality, I like to say she got the drama out of the way early. She repeats almost any word she’s asked to say. She likes sitting in a lap and reading. She has reached the toddler independence stage and wants to do everything herself. She likes running around after her big sister and helping in the kitchen. She’s basically perfect, I wouldn’t change a thing about her. Any closing thoughts, words of advice, or resources you want to share? “Treat her like a normal baby and let us worry about the not so normal baby stuff.” Those were the words Lyanna’s cardiologist said to me the first day I met him. She was 1 day old and I had just finished asking him an onslaught of questions about her future, many of them probably just different variations of the same question. Those words changed my outlook. I can’t control the not so normal stuff so there’s no reason for me to dwell on it. Lyanna is just like any other child and I plan to treat her that way.

Let’s talk hormone changes

Is it hormone changes, is it baby blues, depression or just sheer exhaustion? It’s difficult to understand where one ends and one begins.

Between high prolactin production, no progesterone, potentially lower dopamine, and your other pregnancy hormones decreasing, it’s no wonder that your energy, moods, and emotions can feel jumbled after having your baby!

Jaeda’s Story

Seeing “pregnant” for the first time was the most surreal thing.

I am strong. I am patient. I am fertile.

Remember that you are not alone.

LoriAnn’s Story

“Had I not naturally miscarried, I would have held on to some hope that my appointment would have gone differently…”

Whatever happened in your pregnancy is not a reflection of you as a woman or a mother.

Morgan’s Story

If you have a story you’d like to tell about your experience with conception, pregnancy, childbirth or motherhood, submit it here.

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