So much of parenting is just agreeing on one approach and sticking to it. All of these resources have something in common. Each highlights the need to create a secure CONNECTION with your child. That’s the focus.
This is the basis of all healthy emotional development.
To focus on behavior alone only helps our children become performers and pleasers. They eventually believe their value as a human is tied up with what they do and wether the please us as their parents. If we focus on our connection and understanding of them first, then the behavior can be addressed as secondary. So, without further pontification, here are my 5 Favorite Parenting Resources (at least right now!)
1. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Farber and Elaine Mazlish
This one is by far the simplest way to build a deeper connection with your child (a byproduct of connection is compliance!). They have very practical ways to speak to your children and engage cooperation. They talk about alternatives to punishment, helping build self sufficiency, how to engage their cooperation, what to do with your child’s big feelings!
2. The Whole Brain Child by Dan Seigal
This book changed my whole perspective on how the brain works. It even helped me and in my marriage. It explains why sometimes I can be so rational and accommodating, and other times I’m a dictator and disregard everyone else’s opinion. This might sound like your 3 year old too. Ha! Here’s one big insight I learned form that book, when you’re child is operating out of the REACTIVE part of their brain (their lower brain), they are unable to access empathy, seeing someone else’s perspective. They also have NO regard for consequences. Their brain simply can’t comprehend the implications of consequences. They talk about how to calm them down during those times. It’s fascinating and VERY helpful!
3. An Article called “Want happier, calmer kids? Simplify their world.” by Sandy Kreps
“When you simplify a child’s world, you make space for positive growth, creativity and relaxation.” Excellent quick read!
4. For families with girls, American Girl’s “The Care and Keeping of You” books are helpful! They have a great way of explaining our developing bodies, puberty, social problems, and sex in an age appropriate way.
5. Our children feel most secure when your relationship with your partner is nurtured. I recommend this book to parents of my clients because it has a VERY simple and easy approach to communication in marriage. If you don’t have time to read the book, then listen to the @Artofmanliness podcast episode #611 where he interviews Marcia Berger about her book: Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted
